The Elephant in the Room

Back in January, I stepped on the scale. I knew that I had gained some weight my first semester back at school, but the number I saw totally shocked me.

232.4!!!!!!!!!

I was horrified and ashamed. And then my scale died, and I got a new one. And discovered that my old scale (10+ years old), was 5lbs off. Which made my official starting weight

237.4!!!!!!!!!

So besides the horror and shame, I was completely disgusted with myself. My highest weight with a tiny human on board was 242, so to be almost back to that not pregnant felt pretty awful. Easily the worst I have ever felt about my own body and myself in my entire life- this was my rock bottom. Not to mention the risk of heart disease and diabetes- like everyone on my Dad’s side of the family who has my body type. I have literally had dreams about being told that I am diabetic.

I also realized that I felt like my weight problem was a big secret. I was so afraid of anyone knowing my weight. HELLO! I freaking carry it with me everywhere! Everyone can see it- I am not hiding a darn thing. They may not know my exact number, but anyone with a set of peepers can see that I am overweight. I decided then that for the purpose of being honest with myself, it was time to be honest with others. So, I emailed a couple of people I knew I could trust to not judge and told them my real weight. I also told them that I had a goal of losing 50lbs in 2013.

I have made some progress since January. I eat pretty well, I workout when I can, and I have lost 15lbs. (I guess now is where I should mention that I go work full-time, go to school full-time, and I have an awesome husband and two year old to take care of.) Now that I am out of school for the summer, I feel like it is the perfect time to ramp things up and really go hard for the summer. My 30th birthday is in September, and I would LOVE to hit my 50lb mark by then. I decided to start this blog to keep me accountable. I also hope that documenting my daily struggle with obesity might help someone else who is also hiding from their own weight.

Aside from hitting the 50lb mark this year, I have some other goals/milestones I would like to hit:

• By the end of May, I would like to be out of the 220’s. I have less than 5lbs to go, so I know it is totally doable if I eat clean and workout.
• To be under 200lbs. I haven’t weighed under 200 since before I was pregnant- 3+ years. I cannot wait for that victory.
• I got the shirt in my before picture for Christmas from my Sweet Mama. It is a Shooter Jennings shirt, and it says, “Finer than a frog hair split four ways.” I LOVE IT!! It is just so Southern and awesome, and I want to be able to rock that shirt!! Being able to wear it in public proudly is one of my goals.
• When I hit my 50lb half-way goal, I would like to: Buy an awesome vintage-y outfit from Shabby Apple. Do a boudoir photo shoot. These are both things that I have wanted/wanted to do for a long time, but I have been letting my weight hold me back.

I hope that you will join me on my journey! And now for some “Before” shots:

I did not realize that I had such a badonkadonk.  Holy Guacamole!!

Total mugshot.

Standard side view